Jamaican Life Lessons: Make the best of Life


Slide1

Sometimes life doesn’t go as we expect it to; but what is expected is that we make do with what we have. Make the best of Life.

By: Denise N. Fyffe. Copyright © 2014, Denise N. Fyffe

Sex Advice, What your partner ain’t telling you


cute-couple

You don’t know as much about sex, as you think you do.

It is the opinion of most, that the necessity for most human beings is sex.

Sex is a carnal desire that drives men and women to desperate and unexplained actions. It has a power that most people cannot comprehend. It causes marriages to break up from lack of, the improper use of and sourcing it outside of – the relationship.

Sex also drives pubescent children to lose their precious virginity, to the first cad who shows any real, imagined, or fake sexual interest. Sex has even been the nail in many people’s coffins. I have heard many men say they would do anything for it.

It is true that many people end their marriages because they are not being fulfilled, sexually. Many wait until the horse has long drowned in the river, before they ‘Set it Off’ or ‘Ring the Alarm’ (Did you catch the movie and Beyoncé song reference 😉 ).

But seriously, what do you truly know about, the act and how to derive maximum pleasure from sex; specifically with our partners?

It’s all about sex baby!

Men have a tendency to brag about their prowess, their stamina, their dominance, their skills, their conquests, the many women they bed etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

Boring!

On the flip side, women are frustrated by their man’s lack of prowess, lack of stamina, lack of skills, lack of true intimacy, lack of romance, lack of tenderness, lack of cuddle time, etc, etc, etc.

For most, if you check, it is the same couple with different stories about the same experience. Now, women have a tendency to fake.

Stop Faking!

Women, who does it really help? Who ends up frustrated? Who ends up constantly complaining to their girlfriends? Who ends up missing out on the best that sex has to offer?

It is us, women.

Men, you do need a reality check; some of you anyway. You are all not God’s gift to women in the ‘bedroom’. You put on a circus act of extreme proportions, not realizing that you are the only one enjoying the show.

Don’t be selfish

The act of sex, love-making, coupling – whatever name you want – should be extremely enjoyable for both participants; especially if you are married. Your happiness, your future together depends on it.

Both partners should be considerate.

Both partners should be involved; not idly watching the other do all the work.

Both partners should be enjoying the act.

There is no room for selfishness!

It is a fact that there are many issues that may exist, that cause one or both partners to not enjoy sex. However, there are many enjoyable measures one can take to resolve most of these problems.

Talk UP!

The first is communication. Open your mouth and say something. If a particular trick, touch or move is not working for you, then say so nicely.

Demonstrate!

Show your partner what works. You are the one who will benefit.

Be bold!

I know for some this may be hard, but if there is anywhere you can get away with it, it’s in the ‘bedroom’.

If you are single and hooking up with a person once, some of the suggestions may be relevant.

Wing it!

Do what makes you comfortable, but don’t fake it women.

Men, be bold in asking a woman what she likes, what turns her on, and try not to come on too strong.

Use your God-given charm, or practice if you think you weren’t given adequate measure.

Research

We are all not created equal. We are all not the same size, shape, age, gender, height, width, breadth, depth, thickness, colour etc.

Both men and women should do their research on sex, foreplay, how to make love, positions, etc.

Use your imagination

But, be safe.

Gone are the days when ‘missionary’ was the only position people knew about. Or a man would come – pun intended – and take what he wants.

Slam, bam, thank you maam. 😦

There are limitless resources. Tread carefully on the internet. There is a sink hole of information on the internet. There are books that can enlighten anyone, who thirst for knowledge.

Do you know what is Kama Sūtra, Tao or Tantra? If you don’t know, research. A lot of your sexual problems and limitations would be solved if you knew. Believe me, your marriage, your partner will thank you and be better off for it.

Here is a secret…

Do you know the difference between coming, climax or an orgasm? Believe me they are all different, for both sexes; especially for women.

For a woman, coming can be like passing urine. Say what?! Yes, boring.

For a woman, a climax can be like:

  • a good laugh
  • buying a pair of shoes
  • eating chocolate

For a woman, an orgasm is like a meteor hitting the earth :o. Yes!

It is like setting off a lightning storm in your brain. It is like getting a foot rub, a french kiss, a perfect massage, a bag of chocolates and finding $5000 in your pocket a thousand times, all at once. It is like having a pleasurable heart attack, a stroke and a brain aneurysm. It is like a football stadium of fans started twerking in her head.

See the difference? Note the difference.

Lovers should be open to explore each others fantasies. Learn what makes your partner’s toes curl. Implement creative strategies to spice up your love life. Especially, if you are going to be in a committed relationship for years on end. No one who is (screamingly ;)) satisfied sexually in a relationship, brings it to an end.

So…

  1. Stop Faking
  2. Communicate
  3. Be Bold
  4. Wing it!
  5. Research
  6. Use your imagination
  7. Be considerate

And there are many more things, you can do.

Remember, sex not only allows you to share your body, but your essence, your soul and everything that is you.

So you see, you don’t know as much about sex and pleasing your partner as you think you do. Everyone has their preferences and what might work for your last lady or guy, may not work for your current partner.

Be safe, wrap it up and get frequent HIV testing.
Copyright © 2016, Denise N. Fyffe

 

Jamaican Relationships: Sex Advice, You don’t know as much about sex, as you think you do – Part 2


By: Denise N. Fyffe.
Copyright © 2014, defy, Denise N. Fyffe

couple on benchStop Faking.

Women, who does it really help? Who lies frustrated? Constantly complaining? Missing out on the best that sex has to offer? We women.

Men, you need a reality check; some of you. You are all not God’s gift to women in the ‘bedroom’. You put on a circus act of extreme proportions, not realizing that you are the only one enjoying the show.

The act of sex, love-making, coupling, whatever name you desire…should be extremely enjoyable for both participants. Both partners should be considerate, involved, and enjoying the act. There is no room for selfishness.

It is a fact that there are many issues that may exist, that cause one, or both partners to not enjoy sex. However, there are many inventive measures one can take to resolve most of these problems. The first is communication. Open your mouth and say something. If a particular trick, touch, or move is not working for you then say so nicely and show your partner what works. Be bold, I know for some this may be hard, but if there is anywhere you can get away with it, its in the ‘bedroom’.

If you are single and hooking up with a person once, some of the suggestions may be relevant. Wing it. Do what makes you comfortable, but don’t fake it women. Men, be bold in asking a woman what she likes, what turns her on, and try not to be come on too strong. Use your God given charm, or practice if you think you weren’t given adequate measure.

Both men and women should do their research on sex, foreplay, how to make love, positions, etc.

Gone are the days when ‘missionary’ was the only position people knew about. Or a man would come, take…slam, bam thank you maam. There are limitless resources, a sink hole of information on the internet, and books that can enlighten anyone who thirst for knowledge. Do you know what Kama Sūtra, Tao or Tantra is? If you don’t, know that a lot of your sexual problems and limitations would be solved if you knew.

Do you know the difference between coming, climax or an orgasm? Believe me they are all different, for both sexes. Lovers should be open to explore each others fantasies, learn what makes our partners toes curl, and implement creative strategies to spice up your love life. Especially, if you are going to be in a committed relationship for years on end. No one who is (screamingly) satisfied sexually in a relationship, brings it to an end.

So…

1. Stop Faking

2. Communicate

3. Be Bold

4. Research

5. Find new tricks

6. Be considerate

And there are many more things, you can do. Remember, sex not only allows you to share your body, but your essence, your soul and everything that is you. You don’t know as much about sex and pleasing your partner as you think you do. everyone has their preferences, and what might work for your last lady or guy, may not work for your current partner.

Be safe, wrap it up and/or get frequent HIV testing.

Jamaican Relationships: Sex Advice, You don’t know as much about sex, as you think you do – Part 1


cute-coupleBy: Denise N. Fyffe.
Copyright © 2014, Denise N. Fyffe

You don’t know as much about sex, as you think you do.

The basic necessity for most human beings is sex.

This carnal desire that drives men and women to desperate and unexplainable actions, has a power that most people cannot explain. This act causes marriages to break up from lack of, the improper use of and sourcing it outside of. It also drives pubescent children to loose their precious virginity, to the the first cad who shows any sexual interest. Sex has even been the nail in many people’s coffins.

couple

But what do we truly know about, the act and how to derive maximum desire from it, specifically for our partners?
Men have a tendency to brag about their prowess, their stamina, their skills, the many women they bed etc, etc, etc. Women are frustrated by men’s lack of prowess, lack of stamina, lack of skills etc, etc, etc. And for most, if you check, it is the same couple with different stories about the same experience. Now, women have a tendency to fake.

 

Jamaican Life Lessons: The Journey of Life

Picture courtesy of martinbrand.org

Picture courtesy of martinbrand.org

Picture courtesy of martinbrand.org

By: Denise N. Fyffe.
Copyright © 2014, Denise N. Fyffe

The journey of life is better experienced if you pace yourself.

If you choose to go too fast, go after the high life, live in the realms of vanity, you will fizzle fairly quickly.

And…

If you tread slowly, almost at a stand still, rejecting change, motivation or opportunity; you are sure to be left behind, be tread upon, to die.

But…

If you maintain a steady pace, taking the time to observe and prepare for the obstacles and issues which will come,
to enjoy the moments of happiness and blessings; to laugh, have fun, make friends and even find love, if you can.

This is the pace one must set to endure in this life.

As I reflect on my journey I realize that I have done all three. I ponder on all  the missed opportunities, saddened by my regrets, but, more ashamed of my ventures into the ‘race car lane’.

My life has been more embattled, and though I get weary, stepping to the brink of giving up; I hold true to the life lessons.

The journey of life is better experienced if you pace yourself.

Jamaican Life Lessons: Blessings are invisible gifts


By: Denise defy Fyffe.
Copyright © 2011, defy, Denise Fyffe

All of us are guilty of one common sin, being ungrateful or not appreciating what we have.

Go ahead deny it, you will then commit another sin, lying. I am not being judgmental. Too often we go around forgetting where we have come from, walking around as if we exist alone in this world. We are blinded to the many blessings we have and receive daily.

Raise your hands, if you have two hands, two feet, a nose, no problem breathing, a roof over your head, food to eat, clothes on your back and maybe a bed to sleep in. If you have all those things, you are greatly blessed. Walk the streets of Downtown Kingston, New York City, or in any city you live in. Open your eyes and see people begging, sleeping on the corners, or even think about the children in orphanages. They have, in their mind, no one who gives a crap about them. But even in their situation, they are blessed.

A lot of us are familiar with the stereotypical clips of children starving across the world, in third world nations such as Africa. Seeing babies with bellies swollen and limbs too meager, devoid of any fat. But yet we are able to go to fast food joints order a burger or a fried chicken have our fill and dispose of the rest if we want to.

Did you know that we have enough food in the Western Hemisphere to feed every hungry person on this planet?

I learned that one a decade ago in Geography class. Thank God I was paying attention.

But want to we do, and I say we as a collective, we store it in large buildings or dispose of it. Manufacturers or food processors, restaurants, even in our own kitchen we dispose of excess food. Because we don’t want to affect the scale of supply and demand. We don’t want to drive prices down. The next time you throw away a loaf of bread because it has a spot of mold think about the child who is going to bed tonight with nothing in their bellies, and haven’t seen a meal since the previous day. Just think about it.

We are blessed.

Blessings are invisible gifts given to us, not because we deserve it or are deserving of it, we just get them. And we should not be ungrateful, or turn a build eye to them. Each day people are out in this great world suffering, wanting, hoping, praying for the little that we have.

If you have a child, love them. Many are not able to have any children.

If you have a job, appreciate it. Many, including yours truly, doesn’t have one.

If you have food to eat, tonight, tomorrow, next week; give thanks. Many will go hungry and die in starvation.

If you have a husband, a boy friend, someone who loves you; love them back. Many are alone and lonely.

If you have family, a brother, a mother, a nephew, a step aunt, cherish them. Many have no one who cares for them.

If you are able to read this, able to count the money in your pocket, able to understand that China is on the other side of the planet and not a piece of crockery or plate; be thankful you received even the slightest education. Thousands can not read, write, spell, count or know whats happening in the world.

If you are able to go to church on any day, in any hour, dressed in any way, worship in any way, and sing as loudly as you want or hum if you can’t; be thankful you are not in China or another suppressive country that doesn’t allow you to practice the religion you choose.

Blessings are invisible gifts, but don’t act like you don’t know they aren’t there.

Poem

I wake up and get out of bed,
not realizing someone else lay in theirs, dead;

I walk to the shower, thinking how a warm bath would make me feel
not understanding, to some this is an impossible dream;

I feel hungry and think about the ice cream, and waffles I can have today
not thinking about the child, who had never even seen a plate;

I walk around in my pink miniskirt and Gucci leather bag
not realizing there is another sister who can’t do that in Baghdad.

I ran across the road to catch the bus
not seeing the man leaning with one leg, on his crotch;

I stop to smell the flowers in the park, touching it softness,
looking at how their colors are so stark
not giving any extra thought, to the many boys and girls
who can’t hear, and live their lives constantly in the dark

Life has invisible blessings, that even they see
Why is it that I am blind to all of these.

Life Lesson – Some people are ‘Angels of Goodness’ when we need them to be, in our lives.


By: Denise defy Fyffe.
Copyright © 2011, defy, Denise Fyffe

This world can get dark, evil and down right wicked. The executioners of this, is often the people in our lives and friends. But, luckily, we have representation of goodness, purity of spirit and genuineness along the way. 

Today, I take the time out to salute a few people, who, when my hope in humanity was diminished they represented one of God’s fruits of the spirit; Goodness.

There are some people, who you do not need to be in their presence to feel the essence of goodness in them. These people are genuine, kind, and exude their real selves on every occasion. They do not dazzle you with fake smiles and other ‘fakism’. They do not try to manipulate your actions and thoughts, by weaving a web of deceit around you. They do not sop and use you like a black widow spider.

These people are Angels of Goodness.

Now understand, I am not literally calling or placing the title of angel on them. But figuratively painting/linking them to a being that is incorruptible and representing God’s love. And in this light, is how they seem in our lives.

Here are a couple of signs or actions that precedes, someone who has a spirit of goodness.

  1. They are concerned about your well-being.
  2. They do selfless acts.
  3. They never judge or misjudge you.
  4. They bring a smile to your face, every time you are around/with/speaking to them.
  5. They are happy, and vibrant.
  6. Most importantly, and often unexplainable – They exude goodness/make you feel good.

These are just a few of the tell-tale signs. And, keep in mind, they may represent themselves differently in your life.

Example: I have an old school mate, from my high school days. Now, I have not seen or spoken to her for over a decade or more. Her name is Hannah. Every time, I interact with Hannah, I feel an ever-present presence of goodness. She is genuine, filled with happiness and all things positive. The days I interact with her, I am compelled to believe that there are still good people in the world. Who stay, regardless of life’s struggles, good and pure.

Hannah, I salute your Goodness.

Have you ever had a bad day, a bad week, a bad experience, a bad life..I mean that last one. And someone comes in, that is a medium for hope, that holds your hand and helps to uplift your faith. I have met several of these persons. Half, I am sure I cannot remember. But, they fulfilled their purpose in my life and made an exit and I am grateful for them, regardless.

Example: I experienced the evil hand of a female acquaintance, who stole my money, falsely accused me, envied my talent and literally abandoned me, recently. She befriended me, and presented herself in a genuine light, of love and support. Oh, how that changed when she took off her mask. But others are still deceived by her, and you know we cannot ‘fake’ forever. Then entered an Angel of Goodness. Susaye, showed me in a time when I was inclined to murderous thoughts, acts of revenge, and an intense distrust of humanity; that not everyone is evil. She provided support, love, understanding and wisdom to reason me out of that rut. Note, wisdom, this I needed more than anything to get through the barrier and winters chill I had in store for anyone who dared to come close again. But, Susaye, knocked those down.

Susaye, I salute your Goodness.

Example: A couple of months ago, I worked in an office with a Queen Manipulator. We made each others acquaintance as we were both new to the area and had no support in our new environment. However, she started to say things, and behave in a way that did not ‘sit well’ with me. That, made me question who I was and were my moral compass was pointing. I eventually distanced myself. But, she moved the people around her like chess pieces, which she often bragged about, in the most malicious ways; both men and women who had no clue they were apart of a game. Now in this time, I got to know Vanessa. Vanessa, was used to challenge, redirect and remind me of who I was. She provided spiritual support, every day. If ever there was some one who was a spiritual beacon to point you back to God, then that’s Vanessa.

Vanessa, I salute your Goodness.

These three women are just examples, of people who come into our lives at a time when we really need them. I have met men too, who fill this role. So men, please do not feel excluded.

I live and breathe by this philosophy. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

Here is a synopsis of what this means:

“When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to help you through a difficulty, to give you guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our wish fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on..

Then people come into your life for a SEASON

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.”-unknown.
We must realize that we all have a purpose that we serve to each other and that for some we are never meant to stay forever. So, do not hold on to people who have fulfilled their purpose in your life, or feel bitter about those who did bad. Let it go, and cherish the purpose the good ones fulfilled.

I salute all the people who were used to be ‘Angels of Goodness’ in my life.