Sex Advice, What your partner ain’t telling you


cute-couple

You don’t know as much about sex, as you think you do.

It is the opinion of most, that the necessity for most human beings is sex.

Sex is a carnal desire that drives men and women to desperate and unexplained actions. It has a power that most people cannot comprehend. It causes marriages to break up from lack of, the improper use of and sourcing it outside of – the relationship.

Sex also drives pubescent children to lose their precious virginity, to the first cad who shows any real, imagined, or fake sexual interest. Sex has even been the nail in many people’s coffins. I have heard many men say they would do anything for it.

It is true that many people end their marriages because they are not being fulfilled, sexually. Many wait until the horse has long drowned in the river, before they ‘Set it Off’ or ‘Ring the Alarm’ (Did you catch the movie and Beyoncé song reference 😉 ).

But seriously, what do you truly know about, the act and how to derive maximum pleasure from sex; specifically with our partners?

It’s all about sex baby!

Men have a tendency to brag about their prowess, their stamina, their dominance, their skills, their conquests, the many women they bed etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

Boring!

On the flip side, women are frustrated by their man’s lack of prowess, lack of stamina, lack of skills, lack of true intimacy, lack of romance, lack of tenderness, lack of cuddle time, etc, etc, etc.

For most, if you check, it is the same couple with different stories about the same experience. Now, women have a tendency to fake.

Stop Faking!

Women, who does it really help? Who ends up frustrated? Who ends up constantly complaining to their girlfriends? Who ends up missing out on the best that sex has to offer?

It is us, women.

Men, you do need a reality check; some of you anyway. You are all not God’s gift to women in the ‘bedroom’. You put on a circus act of extreme proportions, not realizing that you are the only one enjoying the show.

Don’t be selfish

The act of sex, love-making, coupling – whatever name you want – should be extremely enjoyable for both participants; especially if you are married. Your happiness, your future together depends on it.

Both partners should be considerate.

Both partners should be involved; not idly watching the other do all the work.

Both partners should be enjoying the act.

There is no room for selfishness!

It is a fact that there are many issues that may exist, that cause one or both partners to not enjoy sex. However, there are many enjoyable measures one can take to resolve most of these problems.

Talk UP!

The first is communication. Open your mouth and say something. If a particular trick, touch or move is not working for you, then say so nicely.

Demonstrate!

Show your partner what works. You are the one who will benefit.

Be bold!

I know for some this may be hard, but if there is anywhere you can get away with it, it’s in the ‘bedroom’.

If you are single and hooking up with a person once, some of the suggestions may be relevant.

Wing it!

Do what makes you comfortable, but don’t fake it women.

Men, be bold in asking a woman what she likes, what turns her on, and try not to come on too strong.

Use your God-given charm, or practice if you think you weren’t given adequate measure.

Research

We are all not created equal. We are all not the same size, shape, age, gender, height, width, breadth, depth, thickness, colour etc.

Both men and women should do their research on sex, foreplay, how to make love, positions, etc.

Use your imagination

But, be safe.

Gone are the days when ‘missionary’ was the only position people knew about. Or a man would come – pun intended – and take what he wants.

Slam, bam, thank you maam. 😦

There are limitless resources. Tread carefully on the internet. There is a sink hole of information on the internet. There are books that can enlighten anyone, who thirst for knowledge.

Do you know what is Kama Sūtra, Tao or Tantra? If you don’t know, research. A lot of your sexual problems and limitations would be solved if you knew. Believe me, your marriage, your partner will thank you and be better off for it.

Here is a secret…

Do you know the difference between coming, climax or an orgasm? Believe me they are all different, for both sexes; especially for women.

For a woman, coming can be like passing urine. Say what?! Yes, boring.

For a woman, a climax can be like:

  • a good laugh
  • buying a pair of shoes
  • eating chocolate

For a woman, an orgasm is like a meteor hitting the earth :o. Yes!

It is like setting off a lightning storm in your brain. It is like getting a foot rub, a french kiss, a perfect massage, a bag of chocolates and finding $5000 in your pocket a thousand times, all at once. It is like having a pleasurable heart attack, a stroke and a brain aneurysm. It is like a football stadium of fans started twerking in her head.

See the difference? Note the difference.

Lovers should be open to explore each others fantasies. Learn what makes your partner’s toes curl. Implement creative strategies to spice up your love life. Especially, if you are going to be in a committed relationship for years on end. No one who is (screamingly ;)) satisfied sexually in a relationship, brings it to an end.

So…

  1. Stop Faking
  2. Communicate
  3. Be Bold
  4. Wing it!
  5. Research
  6. Use your imagination
  7. Be considerate

And there are many more things, you can do.

Remember, sex not only allows you to share your body, but your essence, your soul and everything that is you.

So you see, you don’t know as much about sex and pleasing your partner as you think you do. Everyone has their preferences and what might work for your last lady or guy, may not work for your current partner.

Be safe, wrap it up and get frequent HIV testing.
Copyright © 2016, Denise N. Fyffe

 

Jamaican Relationships: The Six Men To Avoid


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Relationships…. What can we say about relationships?

This is one topic that I know the content is never-ending. In campus, we used to have an open session to speak about relationships and there has not been a single day when our discussions have adequately ended.

The scope of relationships is so far and wide. Kate and I are going to be writing something about relationships and advice we have found useful in my own life, starting today and (hopefully)  every Wednesday.

Today, we start with some advice to the ladies on the kind of men to keep away from. Ladies, just because he looks like Johnny Bravo and has muscles, does not make him a good candidate to date. If you want to reduce the risk of heartbreak, do not go jumping into relationships with the following men:

The Money-Man

This man has money; he is accomplished and has made enough. He dresses in the best fashionable clothes and he drives the latest cars. The problem with him is not the fact that he is rich, the issue is that he thinks it is a gift to the world, because he has money.

He flaunts the cash around, sending the ladies money at every whim with the expectation that they will fall head over heels for him. He thinks that if he gives a lady some cash, she will love him. He will meet you, offer you a ride for two meters, then as you alight out of his Harrier, he will ask you to be his wife.

He does not mind buying you a car and paying for a house for you in an estate of your choice. Ladies, you need to avoid this man, because he is just after sex, he is already paying for it with the money that he is giving you. He may even give you the gift of an STD.  One day, he will demand to be paid back in full.

The Perfectionist

This man is probably the worst that you could ever meet. He keeps pointing out what things are wrong with you. Maybe your hair is out of line, the skirt you are wearing has creases, the accent you have does not impress him and the only time you are right is when you agree with him.

He has no mistakes, he is perfect, and he can never apologize for anything that he does, because he does everything right. If he at any time he hurts you (which he will), it is not his fault, but yours. You have to agree with his way of doing things, since he is the source of all wisdom.

You are just a sidekick in the relationship, so take your place and relax right there. He makes you feel unworthy and worthless of breathing the same air as he does, since you are imperfect and he is the epitome of the way should always be done.

The Nympho

The only thing on his mind is sex, how to have sex with you, after that, how to get you to bed again. That is all he is about. He does not think that he is shallow, which he is, and he thinks it is his God given right to have you service him.  He never promises that he will be exclusive to you, because if you deny him one day, he will find an alternative.

To him, it’s your fault if he cheats, because he just wants to have sex 24/7, if you cannot give him that, then he will definitely check elsewhere. Whether you do give in to his abnormal craving or you refuse to do so once in a while, he will never be satiated and you become his object of sexual satisfaction.

The Hot Guy

This one is just trouble waiting to happen. He may have impressed you with the nice suits, the gold watch, the perfect demeanor, but he knows that he is good-looking, if given a choice he would probably start dating himself. He wants everyone to worship the ground that he walks on.

He will not fail to remind you that you are privileged that he even chose to look at you twice. He is full of ego, higher than Mt. Everest. He may not even qualify to be a model, but ladies admire him from afar. Now that he is with you, he makes you know that if he asks you to jump, all you ask is, “How high?”

The Married Man

 

How many times should ladies be warned against this one? He has a wife, which he will NEVER leave, no matter how much he says that he loves you. remember, if he does not respect his marriage enough to be faithful to his current wife, and divorces her, he will not respect the marriage ( actually, the sham that it shall  actually be) he will soon have with you. When asked to choose between the wife and the mistress, believe me, men will more often than not going to choose the wife. It is tough and plain, but that is exactly the way things are.

The Commitment Phobic Man

 

This one is worse than shooting yourself in the leg. He is a smooth talker, but he is never going to go down the aisle. it is not the fact that he is gay or anything like that, but he is just not the serious type. he gets bored very easily.

I call it ” Relationship Attention Dysfunction Disorder” He stays just a little while, after the lady clearly likes him, is falling in love with him, he disappears.  He will promise heaven, but will, like my best friend loved saying, throw you out of a plane at 10,000 feet above sea level without a parachute expecting that you will be all fine and dandy.

 

Ten ways To Love Her


“Men seek comfort, confirmation that they are OK. Most men are, at heart, uncertain about themselves. They form a relationship and get married to affirm their place in the world. They learn, they think, how to treat a woman, how to be with her. They call that love. But ultimately it doesn’t seem to work. They wonder where love went.” This is a guest post by Dan Nthumbi.

It was never really love in the first place; it was an attempt to feel the comfort they found with their mother. A man’s wife, girlfriend or partner is not his mother. The love he needs to show her is of a totally different kind. It’s critical that a man understands this in learning how to love a woman.

Here are 10 ways to access this love and create an amazing relationship, how to love a woman:

Mumo-Thoughts and Musings

“Men seek comfort, confirmation that they are OK. Most men are, at heart, uncertain about themselves. They form a relationship and get married to affirm their place in the world. They learn, they think, how to treat a woman, how to be with her. They call that love. But ultimately it doesn’t seem to work. They wonder where love went.” This is a guest post by Dan Nthumbi.

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Jamaican Relationships: Why Wait to Have Sex in Marriage? A man’s perspective…


Reblogged

Some wait for sex… Why? There’s a saying that goes, “The best plan is to profit by the folly of others…” That’s what this article is about. I want to share with you a few things I’ve learned — the hard way — concerning girls & relationships. Specifically, I’ve jotted down eight reasons why I’m now waiting until marriage to have sex…

1) I now know that sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…

During my sexpades in high school & a bit in campus, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a “love hangover.” After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. I was so empty & almost suicidal. Media told me sex was the in thing & that i would get fulfillment. WHAT A BUNCH OF LIARS!!! That’s something you won’t see on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards.

The “love hangover” was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because sex was my “god.” As a male, it’s what I thought about morning, noon & night. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling — the crowning achievement in the worship of my “god.” And yet, there was always a lack of fulfillment afterwards.

Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a “love hangover”? If you have, you should stop and consider, “Why is that? Why is it that sex, if it’s so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling?”

I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: “I just need more, that’s all.” (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn’t, e.g. we get the car we’ve always wanted but then it’s just “okay” after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can’t really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, “Well, I guess that wasn’t the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.”)

But the emptiness continued. So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It gets too much hype. It’s not what the movies make it out to be. If it were, it would be completely fulfilling. There wouldn’t be any “emptiness.”

2) I now want to be more honorable toward women…

I’ve found that girls often don’t fully understand what’s going on when it comes to sex, i.e. their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy’s. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, “But I love him,” even if she doesn’t really want to go through with it. Why does that happen? It’s been said that, “Girls use sex to get love, guys use love to get sex.”

This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it & while something inside her is telling her it’s the right thing to do, something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he proceeds. Why? For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a man. But there is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman?

Something I’ve discovered is that, when you honor a woman, you are honoring yourself. Why? Because someday you will have regret & the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie Rob Roy, the main character says, “Honor is a gift a man gives himself.” When you honor a woman by doing what you know to be right in your heart (i.e. what’s in her best interest), you honor yourself & insure that you will have no long-lasting regrets to live with.

3) That’s somebody else’s wife…

Here’s what I mean: most of the girls I’ve been with are now married to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn’t done what I’ve done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it.

And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I’m not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife. What about you? Do you like the idea of someone else being with your wife? If you have a girlfriend now & feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday.

You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone’s daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? I now see girls from a different perspective. They’re someone else’s future wife, someone else’s daughter, sister, etc.

4) Sex has killed my best relationships…

For example, I now have a college sweetheart and now things are so thick between us & fear we might break up & be heart broken just because we had sex before marriage. I really love her & I pray day & night that we do not break up. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally “clicked.” We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.

Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. So, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart.

That’s what I mean by “sex killed my best relationships.” People can relate on many different levels — emotionally, mentally, physically & spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we had waited.

I’ve seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people. And I think there’s a reason for this, which I’ll explain next.

5) Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship…

For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time.

The two things were this:
1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to).
2) She began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to).

I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just built into “the system.” But one thing’s for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect & lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage.

I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this — he doesn’t respect her, she knows it & she doesn’t trust him, so she doesn’t want to give herself to him. It’s very sad & more common than you might think but nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. The movie & TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It’s like no one wants to acknowledge that it’s happening, even though it is.

6) Waiting to have sex with my wife will mean better sex in my marriage…

Why? Because we’ll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her & her having more trust in me. One thing I’ve learned: if a girl doesn’t trust a guy, she doesn’t want to give herself wholly to him. Deep down, she doesn’t really enjoy being with him.

This is how it works. Since “girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex,” a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl does this to hold on to the relationship. The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment from the man. So she doesn’t need to use sex to get him anymore.

And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex. And the guy — who doesn’t treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage — still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. It’s just sex, which she figures out. So, there is a lousy sex life in the marriage.

I’m not making this stuff up. Now that I’m out of college & many people around me are getting married, I’m seeing it happen all the time. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex will give the man a greater respect for his wife & the woman a greater respect for her husband & consequently, they’ll have better & more frequent sex because they respect each other more & love each other more deeply.

7) Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage…

Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it “casual.” The problem is this: the more I bond with other girls, the less I’ll be able to bond with my future wife. It’s like a piece of scotch tape — the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won’t stick to anything.

If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won’t be able to bond as well with my wife someday. I won’t cherish her as much as I could have, and consequently I won’t love her as much as I could have. Each day that passes that I’ve remained faithful to my future wife means that my relationship with her will be better.

It’s a funny thing: our culture decries adultery, yet it freely condones premarital sex, even with multiple partners. That’s ironic. Because, if you take the element of time out of the equation, premarital sex is adultery. We can imagine how adultery would greatly injure a marriage relationship, maybe premarital sex actually has nearly the same result. It injures the potential bond between a man and a woman.

8) I don’t have to sleep with a woman to know if we’re “sexually compatible.”

Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important aspect of it. That’s what I’ve found out. It’s supposed to be the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship are working well.

I’ve come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That’s why I know I don’t have to sleep with my future wife to find out if we’re sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine.

Something else needs to said here. Another thing I think I’ve “discovered” is this: when you place sex as the determining factor of the relationship, it will probably result in poor sex. Think about it. If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope, always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it’s doomed to fail. It’s like being in prison. You’re locked in to something that is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating.

But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship & the sex isn’t the focus, then you’re freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular (because it won’t be.) And yet, I don’t think that as a college-age adult I was capable of not focusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn’t present at all. That’s why I think it’s best to wait altogether.

The 411...

Some wait for sex… Why? There’s a saying that goes, “The best plan is to profit by the folly of others…” That’s what this article is about. I want to share with you a few things I’ve learned — the hard way — concerning girls & relationships. Specifically, I’ve jotted down eight reasons why I’m now waiting until marriage to have sex…

1) I now know that sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…

During my sexpades in high school & a bit in campus, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a “love hangover.” After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. I was so empty & almost suicidal. Media told me sex was the in thing & that i would get fulfillment. WHAT A BUNCH OF LIARS!!! That’s something you won’t see on TV or in the movies, but…

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Why Silence Can be More Powerful than Words with a Man


woman 2THE PROBLEM
Today, women often expect men to act like women – our culture has taught us to do this, and we don’t even question it. We expect men to be just like us – to think like us, to process emotions like us, to need to talk about their feelings like we do, to love words and emotional “connection” like we do, to want to sit face to face and talk for hours. We expect them to be like our close girlfriends.

quotes about anger

Here’s some surprising news! Men aren’t like women. God made us to be very different. It’s good that we are different from each other. But we get ourselves into a lot of trouble when we assume that men think, process and feel like we do and that when they say or do things it would mean the same thing that we would mean if we did that thing. Did that make sense?

There are some similarities, of course. But there are many differences – and if we don’t understand those differences, we end up speaking a foreign language to men. We misunderstand them and they misunderstand us. That is frustrating! Our relationships work MUCH better when we understand men, allow them to be masculine and admire them for being masculine. The differences are what make relationships between men and women so magnetic!

Peaceful Single Girl

Ladies,

As women, we LOVE words.  Marriage counselor and author, Bob Grant, likes to say, “Words are for women.”  We usually like to emote, talk, share, chat, email, text, talk on the phone and relate.  That’s how we “connect” and feel close and loved with each other and with everyone in our lives. 

The opposite of Bob Grant’s statement is also true – but most of us don’t realize it. 

Words are not for men. 

Men use words, of course.  But words don’t have the same impact, meaning and power over men that they do for women emotionally – usually.

If you are ever in doubt about a man’s true feelings, trust his ACTIONS over his words.  Ideally, they would both match up.  But if they don’t match – his actions will tell you what he really thinks and feels.

WHY THE DIFFERENCES? (For those of you who are interested…

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Jamaican Relationships: Great Sex Techniques for Men To Become a Hero In the Bedroom


FOREPLAY AND AFTERPLAY

As a marriage, relationship, and sexual coach, I can’t believe how much lousy sex is happening out there. Maybe you are experiencing less than great sex with the man in your life or past men in your life. As a man speaking in defense of men, there is really no place for men to learn how to give our partners great sex . There is no SCHOOL FOR SEX out there. We all know where the body parts go, but men for the most part do not adequately understand a woman’s sexuality and how to give you fantastic sex. It is for this reason that I am writing this article. If you share this article with the man that you care about and tell him that you would really like to experience these things and ask him to do them with you, I promise, you will have better more enjoyable sex.

In conversations with women, I have come to understand that you need a transition period from the rat race to moving towards making love with your man. Most of you don’t have an “instant on” like men.

  1. Brushing Hair – Foreplay

Now I realize that for most of you, you are not necessarily going to get sexually aroused from having your hair brushed. What it does however is to give you that transition time to move towards sexual availability. The act of having your hair brushed is very pleasurable and releases endorphins in the brain. You feel pampered and that pampered feeling then causes you to have affectionate feelings towards your man. Five to ten minutes of hair brushing is a wonderful way to decompress from the daily grind. Animals instinctively groom each other, and is something that we should do more. Your life will be better with more tactile stimulation.

  1. Head to Toe Massage – Foreplay

This Foreplay technique has worked for me with every partner that I have ever been with. It is so effective as an arousal technique that I had an ex wife who would not make love with me unless I gave her a massage first. I start by stoking and lightly scratching a woman’s scalp with my fingernails. I then proceed from her neck all the way down to her feet. I spend more time massaging a woman’s butt like I am kneading bread. You have nerve endings in your butt that you did not even know that you have. I have never failed getting a woman wet from massaging her butt. I go on down and spend time massaging her feet. There is good reason for this. All of the nerve endings in your body terminate in your feet. By massaging the feet, you stimulate and wake up all of the nerves in a woman’s body. It prepares the rest of her body to be stimulated and aroused.

  1. Let Your Man Undress You But Stop Him at Bra and Panties. – Foreplay

(Author’s aside: So many of you out there are wearing utilitarian underwear, white nylon panties with no lace and a functional bra. Men get turned on visually, make sure that you have lacy and frilly bras and panties. Would you want a present that was not nicely wrapped or a cake with no frosting on it? Men need to see you in lacy and frilly lingerie.) The logic behind the man undressing you and having you stop him at bra and panties is to slow him down. The act of undressing you is a turn on for both of you as well. I tell my clients sex feels good, why rush it. Far too many men treat lovemaking like they do masturbation; they want to get it over in a hurry. Once you are down to bra and panties, have him continue a different variation of massage by lightly and slowly running fingertips up and down your entire body on both sides. This is incredibly arousing for you.

  1. Lightly Stroke Nipples Through The Bra – Foreplay

The idea behind keeping those bras and panties on and slowing down also reminds us of a bygone time in high school where we were furtively fondling. It adds to the excitement. Having your man lightly stroking your nipples through the bra gets them erect. Then let him slide his hand inside the cup of the bra before you allow him to remove your bra, all the while kissing you. Then he can remove the bra and proceed to more vigorous stimulation of your breasts and nipples by sucking them hard and fondling your breasts.

  1. Stimulate you and stroke you through your panties – Foreplay

Have him lightly stoke the midline of your vagina back and forth through your panties. Then have him blow hot breath through the panties over your clitoris. The warmth of his breath and the pressure of his lips on your mound through the panties is wonderfully arousing. Then have your man hook a finger inside the leg band of your panties and have him run his finger up and down inside the leg-band of the panties on both sides without actually touching your vagina. This will have you becoming very aroused and getting wet. After a few minutes of him doing this, then you can let him slide his hand inside your panties. It is not only arousing but brings back those memories of heavy petting in high school or maybe even junior high for some of you. After an extended session of this, then have him pull your panties off very slowly. The slow removal of panties is very erotic and sensual. If you really want to turn it up a notch and get passionate, have him literally rip your panties off by hooking his hand in the waistband and with one very strong yank, literally rip them off of you. What you lose by the panties being ruined, you gain in tremendous arousal. Every partner that I have ever done this with has gotten incredibly turned on because of the fear and the excitement that the act engenders in them. Most women like to be taken forcefully sometimes by a strong confident man.

  1. Vaginal Penetration with the Tongue. – Foreplay

Most men naturally go for your clitty (author’s slang term for clitoris. It sounds much cuter and not so damned clinical). Instead ask him to run his tongue up and down between your vaginal lips and then have him penetrate your vagina repeatedly with his tongue. You will find this incredibly arousing and better prepares your clitty for stimulation with his tongue.

  1. Clitoris Stimulation Techniques – Foreplay

Instead of licking your clitty right away, have him gently pull back the foreskin (yes the hood over your clitty is analogous to a man’s foreskin on an uncircumcised penis.) He then can suck on your clitty like he is sucking a milkshake though a straw. This will cause your clitty to swell from engorging with blood similar to a man getting an erection. It will actually lengthen and grow in circumference similar to a man’s erection. He then can move up and down like you do giving him a blow job. It is a clitty blow job and feels wonderful. After a few minutes of that he can use what I call the “machine gun tongue”. This is a super fast stroking of your clitty with his tongue that will give you powerful orgasms. The way to do that is to have him flex his tongue against his upper lip to use as a spring and forcefully flick his tongue past that upper lip onto your clitty. This enables him to move his tongue much faster simulating a vibrator. For even more stimulation, have him growl like a bear while he is doing this. The act of growling makes his vocal cords vibrate which will then transmit those vibrations through his tongue onto your clitty.

  1. Multi-sensory Inputs – Foreplay

As you know, most women are better at multi-tasking than are men. Lovemaking is one area where you would benefit by encouraging your man to multi-task. While he is licking and sucking on your clitty, he can be penetrating your vagina with his fingers in and out with one hand and rolling your nipple around in his fingers with the other hand. The additional stimuli you will find very arousing. There is a precedent for this. Phil Spectre pioneered what he called the “Wall of Sound”. This technique involved adding multiple tracks of sound for a lusher musical auditory experience. Chefs use what they call “Adding layers of Flavor”. The point is, the multi-sensory inputs mean better pleasure for you just like in cooking and music.

  1. Anal Stimulation – Foreplay

Many people view this as a taboo. That is too bad because there are incredible pleasure nerve endings in the anus. This is of course when you want to be squeaky clean maybe just after a romantic shower for two. If you want to be absolutely antiseptic (which is not necessary, I have never gotten sick from giving a partner a “rim job”) you can take an antiseptic baby wipe and wrap it around a finger and clean the inside of the anus. At any rate have your man lick the anus and then penetrate your anus with his tongue in and out. Have him spread your butt cheeks apart so that he can enter it even deeper with his tongue. Once you get past the idea and let yourself go (and him too) you will find that it is incredibly arousing. Be willing to do it to your guy as it is very pleasurable for us as well. In another article I will explain how to have anal sex  and that you can actually climax with anal sex . This article is about foreplay not actual intercourse.

  1. Stroking your vagina with his penis. – Foreplay

Before your man enters you for intercourse, have him take by now his erect penis and stroke it between your vaginal lips and on your clitty. Have him tease the entrance of your vagina with it. This will cause you to get exceedingly wet and your vagina can actually ache from the desire to be penetrated. Believe me two or three minutes of this kind of stimulation will have you literally begging him to take you and enter you. That will of course be a huge turn on and compliment for him.

AFTERPLAY TECHNIQUES

Now I know that the idea of afterplay to you seems unlikely. You feel that you don’t get enough foreplay and usually once a man climaxes, then it is usually all over. Tell your man that you still have climaxes left in you and you would like him to get you off some more. Tell him how horny he makes you and that you want more of him. This is usually enough to persuade him.

  1. Getting additional Orgasms – Afterplay

Most men do not understand that once he has you to this level of sexual excitement, it is a lot easier for you to achieve additional orgasms. Here is how you can easily knock off another ten orgasms. Get a Hitachi Magic Wand Vibrator. You have to order it on-line. It is the most intense, most powerful vibrator out there. You turn it on high and place it at your clitoris. You have your man rhythmically finger you with his thumb, (a thumb is a lot bigger and close to the size of your man’s erect penis in girth) while also sucking on your nipples at the same time. The combination of the multiple sensory inputs will easily and powerfully give you additionally orgasms. This might so turn your man on that he gets another erection for another go round. Be sure and be very complimentary to him for taking such good care of you and you love how he makes you come with multiple orgasms. Positive reinforcement does wonders to encourage your guy to do it for you on a regular basis.

  1. Once you are both satisfied, have him go into the bathroom – Afterplay

And get a large towel and have him soak it in very hot water. Then have him wring it out very well and have him give you a hot towel massage. Have him pay careful attention to cleaning up between your legs. You will feel wonderfully pampered and be sure to ooh and aah. Then have him get a dry towel and dry you off and then have him powder your whole body down with your favorite powder. Then have him climb back in bed with you for cuddling time and spooning. You should put on a pair of silky panties, (not thongs) for spooning because the feeling of his penis against your butt covered by silky panties feels very erotic to him. The silkiness of the back of your panties reminds him of the wonderful feeling of the silky interior of your wet vagina. Have him lovingly stroke your butt through those panties. You will love the feeling of his hand stroking your butt and he will love the feeling of those silky panties against his penis and against his hand. If you include all of these techniques, I guarantee you happier and more satisfied sex .

Marriagecoach1's Blog

Sexual Foreplay and After Play, Be a Hero In The Bedroom

FOREPLAY AND AFTERPLAY

As a marriage, relationship, and sexual coach, I can’t believe how much lousy sex is happening out there. Maybe you are experiencing less than great sex with the man in your life or past men in your life. As a man speaking in defense of men, there is really no place for men to learn how to give our partners great sex. There is no SCHOOL FOR SEX out there. We all know where the body parts go, but men for the most part do not adequately understand a woman’s sexuality and how to give you fantastic sex. It is for this reason that I am writing this article. If you share this article with the man that you care about and tell him that you would really like to experience these things and ask him…

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Jamaican Relationships: Sex Advice, You don’t know as much about sex, as you think you do – Part 2


By: Denise N. Fyffe.
Copyright © 2014, defy, Denise N. Fyffe

couple on benchStop Faking.

Women, who does it really help? Who lies frustrated? Constantly complaining? Missing out on the best that sex has to offer? We women.

Men, you need a reality check; some of you. You are all not God’s gift to women in the ‘bedroom’. You put on a circus act of extreme proportions, not realizing that you are the only one enjoying the show.

The act of sex, love-making, coupling, whatever name you desire…should be extremely enjoyable for both participants. Both partners should be considerate, involved, and enjoying the act. There is no room for selfishness.

It is a fact that there are many issues that may exist, that cause one, or both partners to not enjoy sex. However, there are many inventive measures one can take to resolve most of these problems. The first is communication. Open your mouth and say something. If a particular trick, touch, or move is not working for you then say so nicely and show your partner what works. Be bold, I know for some this may be hard, but if there is anywhere you can get away with it, its in the ‘bedroom’.

If you are single and hooking up with a person once, some of the suggestions may be relevant. Wing it. Do what makes you comfortable, but don’t fake it women. Men, be bold in asking a woman what she likes, what turns her on, and try not to be come on too strong. Use your God given charm, or practice if you think you weren’t given adequate measure.

Both men and women should do their research on sex, foreplay, how to make love, positions, etc.

Gone are the days when ‘missionary’ was the only position people knew about. Or a man would come, take…slam, bam thank you maam. There are limitless resources, a sink hole of information on the internet, and books that can enlighten anyone who thirst for knowledge. Do you know what Kama Sūtra, Tao or Tantra is? If you don’t, know that a lot of your sexual problems and limitations would be solved if you knew.

Do you know the difference between coming, climax or an orgasm? Believe me they are all different, for both sexes. Lovers should be open to explore each others fantasies, learn what makes our partners toes curl, and implement creative strategies to spice up your love life. Especially, if you are going to be in a committed relationship for years on end. No one who is (screamingly) satisfied sexually in a relationship, brings it to an end.

So…

1. Stop Faking

2. Communicate

3. Be Bold

4. Research

5. Find new tricks

6. Be considerate

And there are many more things, you can do. Remember, sex not only allows you to share your body, but your essence, your soul and everything that is you. You don’t know as much about sex and pleasing your partner as you think you do. everyone has their preferences, and what might work for your last lady or guy, may not work for your current partner.

Be safe, wrap it up and/or get frequent HIV testing.