Sex Advice, What your partner ain’t telling you


You don’t know as much about sex, as you think you do.

It is the opinion of most, that the necessity for most human beings is sex.

Sex is a carnal desire that drives men and women to desperate and unexplained actions. It has a power that most people cannot comprehend. It causes marriages to break up from lack of, the improper use of and sourcing it outside of – the relationship.

Sex also drives pubescent children to lose their precious virginity, to the first cad who shows any real, imagined, or fake sexual interest. Sex has even been the nail in many people’s coffins. I have heard many men say they would do anything for it.

It is true that many people end their marriages because they are not being fulfilled, sexually. Many wait until the horse has long drowned in the river, before they ‘Set it Off’ or ‘Ring the Alarm’ (Did you catch the movie and Beyoncé song reference 😉 ).

But seriously, what do you truly know about, the act and how to derive maximum pleasure from sex; specifically with our partners?

It’s all about sex baby!

Men have a tendency to brag about their prowess, their stamina, their dominance, their skills, their conquests, the many women they bed etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.


On the flip side, women are frustrated by their man’s lack of prowess, lack of stamina, lack of skills, lack of true intimacy, lack of romance, lack of tenderness, lack of cuddle time, etc, etc, etc.

For most, if you check, it is the same couple with different stories about the same experience. Now, women have a tendency to fake.

Stop Faking!

Women, who does it really help? Who ends up frustrated? Who ends up constantly complaining to their girlfriends? Who ends up missing out on the best that sex has to offer?

It is us, women.

Men, you do need a reality check; some of you anyway. You are all not God’s gift to women in the ‘bedroom’. You put on a circus act of extreme proportions, not realizing that you are the only one enjoying the show.

Don’t be selfish

The act of sex, love-making, coupling – whatever name you want – should be extremely enjoyable for both participants; especially if you are married. Your happiness, your future together depends on it.

Both partners should be considerate.

Both partners should be involved; not idly watching the other do all the work.

Both partners should be enjoying the act.

There is no room for selfishness!

It is a fact that there are many issues that may exist, that cause one or both partners to not enjoy sex. However, there are many enjoyable measures one can take to resolve most of these problems.

Talk UP!

The first is communication. Open your mouth and say something. If a particular trick, touch or move is not working for you, then say so nicely.


Show your partner what works. You are the one who will benefit.

Be bold!

I know for some this may be hard, but if there is anywhere you can get away with it, it’s in the ‘bedroom’.

If you are single and hooking up with a person once, some of the suggestions may be relevant.

Wing it!

Do what makes you comfortable, but don’t fake it women.

Men, be bold in asking a woman what she likes, what turns her on, and try not to come on too strong.

Use your God-given charm, or practice if you think you weren’t given adequate measure.


We are all not created equal. We are all not the same size, shape, age, gender, height, width, breadth, depth, thickness, colour etc.

Both men and women should do their research on sex, foreplay, how to make love, positions, etc.

Use your imagination

But, be safe.

Gone are the days when ‘missionary’ was the only position people knew about. Or a man would come – pun intended – and take what he wants.

Slam, bam, thank you maam. 😦

There are limitless resources. Tread carefully on the internet. There is a sink hole of information on the internet. There are books that can enlighten anyone, who thirst for knowledge.

Do you know what is Kama Sūtra, Tao or Tantra? If you don’t know, research. A lot of your sexual problems and limitations would be solved if you knew. Believe me, your marriage, your partner will thank you and be better off for it.

Here is a secret…

Do you know the difference between coming, climax or an orgasm? Believe me they are all different, for both sexes; especially for women.

For a woman, coming can be like passing urine. Say what?! Yes, boring.

For a woman, a climax can be like:

  • a good laugh
  • buying a pair of shoes
  • eating chocolate

For a woman, an orgasm is like a meteor hitting the earth :o. Yes!

It is like setting off a lightning storm in your brain. It is like getting a foot rub, a french kiss, a perfect massage, a bag of chocolates and finding $5000 in your pocket a thousand times, all at once. It is like having a pleasurable heart attack, a stroke and a brain aneurysm. It is like a football stadium of fans started twerking in her head.

See the difference? Note the difference.

Lovers should be open to explore each others fantasies. Learn what makes your partner’s toes curl. Implement creative strategies to spice up your love life. Especially, if you are going to be in a committed relationship for years on end. No one who is (screamingly ;)) satisfied sexually in a relationship, brings it to an end.


  1. Stop Faking
  2. Communicate
  3. Be Bold
  4. Wing it!
  5. Research
  6. Use your imagination
  7. Be considerate

And there are many more things, you can do.

Remember, sex not only allows you to share your body, but your essence, your soul and everything that is you.

So you see, you don’t know as much about sex and pleasing your partner as you think you do. Everyone has their preferences and what might work for your last lady or guy, may not work for your current partner.

Be safe, wrap it up and get frequent HIV testing.
Copyright © 2016, Denise N. Fyffe



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