You having 99 Problems? Relationships need work

black-couple1By: Denise N. Fyffe.
Copyright © 2014, Denise N. Fyffe

All relationships need work.

Many people might think that once you have agreed to spend time getting to know someone, and calling your interactions a relationship; then the wooing and getting to know you process is over. No it is not. It is simply the beginning of maybe the hardest work you have ever done.

You meet someone and all is going good, you share similar interests, talk a lot, smile a lot and understand each other. Then what? This alone cannot make for a long-lasting relationship. It is definitely not easy being in a Jamaican relationship. They are harder to support than the Jamaican economyrelationships need work.

You can have the best chemistry in the world, but if you do not nurture the foundation you have been given; this will waste away. Relationships require that you invest your time in getting to know the other person’s likes, dislikes, mannerisms, and almost every intricate detail you can about them; especially if you are interested in sticking around for the long-term. Mind you, you will never learn everything at once, because it takes time to peel back the layers.

This is why dating is a big part of the relationship building process. You get the opportunity to visit, socialize and enjoy different experiences together. This allows you an unfiltered medium of seeing how that person behaves, in a neutral environment, and in each other’s personal space. Some people may tend to hide their real selves, if they aren’t secure in who they are; but, with enough time, you should be able to recognize a pretense from a genuine act.

You do not have to spend every waking hour together, but you should have quality, one on one interactions, several times a month. If this is not possible, then review whether you really want a relationship now? Is it fair to the other person? How do you think you will maintain a good, loving relationship in the future, if you can’t now? Or is it that you just aren’t really into this person, and wish not to make the necessary concessions?

Try to engage in a variety of activities. Things that you both like, but also things that one person may enjoy over the other. This will strengthen your compromising skills, and allow you to assess if this is the person you want to be with based on the dissimilarities of your interests. For example, she might enjoy going to going to Jamaican plays, art museums or musical concerts, but he doesn’t. He might prefer to catch a football game, while she doesn’t. If they both can enjoy and compromise for each other, then this is a good start to a relationship.

We all have many responsibilities in our lives that may manipulate our time. But if you are interested in having a good, solid and emotionally sound relationship; you will need to make time for that person. If he works a fourteen hour job, six days a week, and have many other responsibilities; then sustaining a happy relationship, based on the above mentioned tenets, will be extremely difficult. This may cause unnecessary strain, far too early, where you may not have had time to create the bonds to withstand such stresses.

Relationships are like plants, they must be nurtured and fed to survive and flourish. The strategies above can be used for many types of relationships, whether friendships, long-term committed relationships or marriages. There are many other factors needed to sustain a relationship and make both parties comfortable or secure in opening up themselves emotionally; over sharing every aspect of their lives with another person.

  1. Communication; talking is the first way in which you will understand who a person is and what they are about. You will also learn many things about them, based on what is said or what is not said.
  2. Honesty; lies should never be a foundation for a relationship, there is absolutely no benefit to it and will create issues in the future.
  3. Full disclosure of any issues or important things in your life that your partner should know about is integral. Again, this is akin to dishonesty.
  4. Trust, occurs in time.
  5. Understanding, respect, physical and emotional compatibility can only strengthen what exists. Without these things you will have a difficult time building your relationship.

Remember also, that eventually, if you do have a long-term relationship, that your partner is an extension of you, and will be involved in many aspects of your life, including shared responsibilities. Therefore the healthier the union, the happier you and they will be. You will have disagreements, but if your foundation is strong you will be able to work through them. No one is 100% perfect and there will be things about them you do not like; but can you live with them, and work through your dissimilarities? Do you want to?

All relationships need work, and quality invested time. How much are you willing to give?

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